Military portals echo and transport me to a violent past, covered in a soft blanket of moss. Butterflies and purple wildflowers grow everywhere and distract me like an embroidered veil shrouding a history of grief.
Maybe I’m dramatic,
And then it snows, and the world goes quiet.
The next day walking towards the echos, prints of a fox and a vole circle around–
There are no secrets in the snow.
An echo reverberates through the island again, and then the light pours through the trees.
I can’t hear for a moment and look out to sea, the black deep swallowing up a single swan feeding on the open ocean.
Is it lonely here?
Snow clouds on the horizon glow oranges and pink. It’s almost dark and I pour myself a drink. Totally perplexed at my anxiety I sit down and watch more echos. Looking for a distraction, I google what other animals grieve. And I see news of a bolide over Norway.
Not sure why I can’t sleep. I watch more echos and then I wake up and take another walk. I see where animals have made their homes. There are no secrets in the snow, I repeat to myself.
Is privacy a right?
Do all swans find a mate, or are some always alone?
No light today. No distractions.
It’s my dad's birthday.
I google what animals stay in families forever.
Am I hungry or thirsty?
What am I doing here?
Yesterday I looked into an abandoned house on the North Harbor. There were beer cans and cigarette trash littered around an old wood stove. A very glossy chipped red door was the portal to the kitchen.
And then I saw a heap of feathers below one of the windows. I walked around and looked into the other windows. There were three of those corpse heaps under each window I could see.
Orcas stay in families for a long time. Like humans, often for life.
They are also the cruelest, most intelligent hunters aside from us.
I wonder why I dream about them all the time?
Should I have a child?
I think I’m thirsty, but I should probably only have water.
After an hour in the sauna I feel better. Warmth is a distraction, and maybe an echo of when we felt safest.
Elephants stay in families for a long time too.
